Why the Focus on Safety Just for Moms?This is a good introductory question before getting into this replay episode.  Maybe because it’s so overlooked. Maybe because of the story from just last week in which a mom in one of my Facebook groups was killed by her 18 year old son? Maybe because I know from experience and from others that moms are often blamed rather than helped when they reach out to family, friends, experts and authorities. Maybe because it’s time.  

🎧 Listen to episode - Apple🎧 Listen to episode - SpotifyIf your adopted child has no memories or very limited memories about their life prior to coming to live with you, does that mean that

🎧 Listen to episode - Apple🎧 Listen to episode - SpotifyEMBRACING FREEDOM FROM UNNECESSARY DRAMA: THE POWER OF SELF-CONTROL FOR ADOPTIVE MOMSToday I’m introducing the second simple but powerful shift of our three-part series focusing on transformative Unilateral Shifts you can make in your role as an adoptive mom. The last couple of episodes were parts one & two of Unilateral Shift #1 about embracing a lens of acceptance over accountability for a new view on patterns of challenging behaviors. If you missed those episodes you might want to go back and listen to them. Today’s focus is Unilateral Shift #2 —FORGING FREEDOM FROM UNNECESSARY DRAMA. 

🎧 Listen to episodeWHAT ARE YOUR EASTER EXPECTATIONS?Hey ladies, today I wanted to share a bonus podcast episode as we go into the Easter weekend — today is Good Friday, the day that historically we think about when Jesus was crucified and then after tomorrow on the third day, on Sunday, the resurrection as Jesus came to life again as he had conquered death and also paid the price for all the sins of all the world. So this is a very important and key weekend in our Christian faith, and understandably one that we want to share with our families and with our children. But, if you’re like me, not all of your children or your family is following Jesus or following the Christian faith or your Christian values and what’s important to you. So while Easter may be the most important weekend, celebration and most pivotal holiday of the entire year for you or for me, it is not viewed the same for everyone. and it may not be the same for the other members of your own family so there might be some tension. 

🎧 Listen to episodeMOM ROLE QUESTION:When you think about your mom role I want you to ask yourself — and you can journal about this and pray over it but ask yourself — What do you realistically want your mom role to be like, and what do you think is standing in the way? I’d like you to get a notebook, journal or pad of paper for a journaling exercise today about how you envision your role as mom in the current season or the season that’s right around the corner.  What obstacles are you currently running up against? 

 You may know that my tagline is “standing in the gap for second moms“ — so you may wonder, what gap? Where is this gap? Do you know what the gap is in your life? See if this rings a bell:ENTERING THE GAP...The gap I have recognized is when you know something is wrong, and as mom you have identified that there’s a real problem that needs to be addressed and you begin to reach out for information, for resources, for help.  You may not know exactly what to call it. You may not know if there’s something diagnosable…or what the cause is…even where to look for answers. But that doesn’t stop you. You’re told not to worry or given trite responses or over-simplified advice. You don’t know exactly what to do...

AS HUMANS WE OFTEN ENCOUNTER MISPERCEPTIONS AND MISUNDERSTANDINGS. People are naturally skeptical of things that are different. Even prior to adopting you’ve likely faced misunderstanding and misperceptions due to your Christian beliefs or in other contexts. In our adoptive families, there is often lots of fuel for the fires of skepticism, leading to flames of misperceptions and misunderstandings.  These can even grow into a raging wildfire threatening to overtake the entire structure of the family. 

Today’s topic is emotional boundaries.  In particular on this episode I’m focusing on emotional boundaries for moms like me.  In many of our adoptive families children have suffered an enormous degree of trauma and in particular the loss of not only their first mother but other caregivers as well in their formative years. Different Types of BoundariesYou’ve seen & heard quite a bit about setting boundaries by now I suppose.  And perhaps you have a good grip on what it means to set personal boundaries with others, and have even put this into practice in your own life. Even so, to make sure that we’re on the same page today, you need to know that what I mean by the word “boundaries” is that dividing line (boundary) you make to protect something of yours from trespass by another that says you will not continue past that line (boundary) with the other person.  In practice it may sound something like, “I will not continue listening to you yell obscenities at me;” a boundary to protect your finances might sound like, “I will not continue paying you while your work is unfinished;” one to protect property – “I won’t leave without locking the door first”; one to protect physical safety –  “I won’t stay in the house where there are unsecured weapons.”With all these various boundaries to protect different things, there may be an emotional component. But today I want us to pick apart and focus primarily on emotional boundaries. You may set boundaries to protect your time, your physical body, your work/ability to get work done, your belongings.  You can also set boundaries to protect your emotional safety. 

🎧 Listen to episodeDo you think of yourself as trustworthy? On a scale of 1-10 where do you think you are? Where on that scale would you say most people would put you back before your child/children came along? In our complex adoptive and blended families trust can often be lacking from our non-biological children, not because we aren’t trustworthy, but due to their own backgrounds. And that can bleed over onto others.

Listen to episodeSeason 4, Episode 3Have you ever been to the eye doctor and found out that your vision prescription has changed? Similarly, there are factors that can limit our relational vision, and it can change over time as well.  It can be helpful to our vision of our relationships to look through different lenses.  Below I share some thoughts on different types of lenses for you to consider - especially if there are any hints or clues that your current lens might be causing you to miss something.