Guarding Against False Dilemma Traps: Nurturing BOTH Truth AND Love in Your Adoptive/Blended Family
In our journey as second moms, we often find ourselves bombarded with choices that seem to demand we pick one side or the other.
These either-or scenarios, often referred to as false dilemmas, can be limiting and harmful. They present us with the illusion that we must choose between two opposing paths, neglecting the nuanced possibilities that exist when we allow love and truth to coexist. Let us dig into this topic, exploring why it is essential to guard against false dilemma traps for the sake of our family's well-being.
Recently, I stumbled upon a social media post that caught my attention, and not in a pleasant way. The post, directed towards mothers of young adults, presented an unsettling choice: to either love your child or to be truthful with them. This supposed either-or choice struck a chord with me, as it poses a dangerous trap. Here was my response:
“Sadly this is set up as a contradiction between choosing truth VS love. Sometimes choosing truth IN love takes risking that your child/teen/young adult will take offense, blow up, even (especially in today’s culture) cut you off. Integrity — TRUTH — matters and can be held onto and expressed when, and in words & ways that demonstrate deepest love. Never let go of truth.”
It’s crucial to recognize that love and truth are not mutually exclusive.As adoptive and second moms, our role is to guide, nurture, and yes, sometimes challenge our children with love grounded in truth.
When we encounter such false dilemmas, we must pause and pray, listening for God’s guidance to navigate the waters of integrity and care.
The Harmful Nature of False Dilemmas
Falling into the trap of false dilemmas can be detrimental to our relationships for several reasons:
1. Limiting Growth:
These fallacies limit our perspective, shrinking the room for growth and understanding within our relationships.
2. Causing Division:
By forcing an either-or choice, false dilemmas can create rifts.
3. Breeding Fear:
These situations can sow fear in our hearts, making us wary of expressing vulnerable truths for fear of losing those we love.
Common False Dilemmas and How to Respond
Let's consider a few other false dilemmas you might encounter within your family dynamics and explore ways to recognize and overcome them:
1. Strictness vs. Leniency:
This familiar parenting dilemma asks us to choose being either a disciplinarian or a friend. Instead, aim for a balanced approach where guidance is paired with empathy. Start from where you are and seek to model grace-filled authority.
2. Time vs. Money:
Especially relevant to families blending multiple dynamics, the false dilemma that pits providing for your family financially against spending quality time can be damaging. It's crucial to understand that both are investments in your family's future and to find creative ways to balance them.
3. Success vs. Failure:
In a culture that often rewards success, it can be easy to view mistakes as absolute failures. Instead, embrace the notion that both success and failure are stepping stones in God’s larger plan for learning and growth.
Tips for Recognizing & Responding in Truth and Love
Discern & Pray
When you feel trapped in a binary, either-or decision, pause and pray. Ask God to reveal the deeper truth and wider options available.
Seek Wise Counsel
Engage with mentors or fellow second moms who share your values and can provide perspective beyond the binary.
Communicate Openly
Encourage open dialogue with your family members. Lovingly express your intentions, emphasizing that truth and love are integral to your relationships.
Reflect on Scripture
Let the Christian faith and scripture guide your decisions. Ephesians 4:15 encourages us to “speak the truth in love” as we grow in our relationships.
Ultimately, our faith calls us to trust in God’s wisdom, to hold fast to truth, and to let our love for our children remain steadfast.
By identifying and sidestepping false dilemmas, we nurture a family environment rooted in both truth and love—a place where each member can truly flourish. It’s up to them whether they choose the side of truth whenever they face an actual true-false dilemma. Let’s set an excellent example of always siding with truth.
Together, let's keep learning, keep growing, and keep loving!
- Dawn
Join our Circle! Begin with the Second Moms Circle Facebook group.
**You Found It!**
Whether you’re a returning friend or a new visitor, I am so thrilled to welcome you to our new online home! In a world where change is constant, God’s faithfulness remains our steady rock, guiding us each step of the way.
Today, I am excited to announce a change that I believe will help us connect more easily with those precious women seeking community and encouragement in their journey as "second moms."
Recently, an issue with the previous website address prompted me to make a leap of faith—a leap that led to this new and improved website address. This change means the website is now more visible and easily discoverable for adoptive moms everywhere who are searching for guidance and grace-filled support.
If you're new here, I am so glad God led you to our circle. This space is dedicated to you, whether you're an adoptive mom, a step-mom, or nurturing a grandchild, sibling, or other relative. You are not alone on this path. Together, we stand on the truth of God's Word, trusting in His divine plans for our unique journey as second moms.
I encourage you to bookmark this new site—your go-to resource for heartfelt blog posts, scriptural inspiration, and practical coaching rooted in a Christ-centered approach.
To stay fully connected with encouragement and updates I invite you to join our Circle of Second Moms email list. Simply subscribe to receive newsletters filled with uplifting content to support you in your walk of faith and motherhood.
And for ongoing conversation and connection, don't forget to join our growing Circle of Second Moms Facebook group. Plug into a community of sisters ready to rejoice with you in the victories and lift you in prayer through challenges.
I am looking forward to walking this beautiful journey of second motherhood with you, guided by God’s faithful hand.
May we each keep learning, keep growing & keep loving!
-Dawn Baggett
The Post Adoption Mom Coach
As adoptive mothers, we often pour our hearts and souls into nurturing our children, hoping to create a loving and stable environment...
Yet, facing rejection from the very children we cherish can be a painful and bewildering experience. This is a path I know well, not only as an experienced adoptive mom but also as a post-adoption mom coach.
Today, I want to offer a fresh perspective on this heart-wrenching experience, inspired by a biblical narrative of rejection — the story of the prophet Samuel from I Samuel 8:4-9.
Plus -- I am sharing a four part W.A.R.N. strategy -- a Biblical approach directly from this passage!
Learn the exact steps for handling rebellious rejection at any level in your household. Or anytime you feel a sense of personal rejection that comes with rebellious attitudes, backtalk, personal accusations or other behavior!
