Today’s topic is emotional boundaries.  In particular on this episode I’m focusing on emotional boundaries for moms like me.  In many of our adoptive families children have suffered an enormous degree of trauma and in particular the loss of not only their first mother but other caregivers as well in their formative years. Different Types of BoundariesYou’ve seen & heard quite a bit about setting boundaries by now I suppose.  And perhaps you have a good grip on what it means to set personal boundaries with others, and have even put this into practice in your own life. Even so, to make sure that we’re on the same page today, you need to know that what I mean by the word “boundaries” is that dividing line (boundary) you make to protect something of yours from trespass by another that says you will not continue past that line (boundary) with the other person.  In practice it may sound something like, “I will not continue listening to you yell obscenities at me;” a boundary to protect your finances might sound like, “I will not continue paying you while your work is unfinished;” one to protect property – “I won’t leave without locking the door first”; one to protect physical safety –  “I won’t stay in the house where there are unsecured weapons.”With all these various boundaries to protect different things, there may be an emotional component. But today I want us to pick apart and focus primarily on emotional boundaries. You may set boundaries to protect your time, your physical body, your work/ability to get work done, your belongings.  You can also set boundaries to protect your emotional safety. 

How Churches Can Support Women who are Moms in Complex Families such as Adoptive Moms & Step-MomsJust imagine…You're a mom, and you're not the child's first mom. They don’t automatically look to you as their home base, as “mom”.  You feel alone, unsupported, and like you don't quite fit in anywhere, and while your church has been an integral part of your life for years, you’re feeling less and less connected, less and less understood, less and less supported.

🎧 Listen to episodeYou May Be at Greater Risk for Burnout, Compassion Fatigue or Secondary Trauma!As an adoptive mom you may be at a heightened risk for burnout, compassion fatigue or secondary trauma as primary caregiver for high need children and teens.  In many adoptive families the children have suffered an enormous degree of trauma and in particular the loss of not only their first mother but other caregivers as well in their formative years. This can impact them long-term in various ways, complicating your role as their parent-caregiver. 

Direct Correlation Between  Emotional & Mental Well-being &  Physical HealthAs a Christian life coach for women in complex families, I understand the struggle of constantly expending emotional and mental energy. It's easy to forget that there is a direct correlation between our emotional and mental well-being and physical health. 

🎧 Listen to episode[S3E10]Always feeling behind? When all of you is still not enough…Being an adoptive or step mom can feel like you’ve embarked upon a daunting task to try to fill the void that your child already has. I know those types of feelings. It can feel like a tremendous responsibility. But as adoptive or step moms we must remember that we cannot make up for any losses in our children's lives – but instead can focus on providing stability for all of our children. Even as they push against that very stability they need. 

 From the paperwork & legalities to the physical and emotional tolls, there's no denying that adoption is a BIG undertaking. If you're thinking about becoming an adoptive parent, or are in the process of adopting, you're probably aware of many challenges that come with the territory.

Becoming a parent is one of the most rewarding, but also challenging, experiences a person can have. I can tell you from experience that for adoptive moms, there are added challenges that come with raising children who have experienced early childhood traumas.  In particular, losing the primary biological relationship with their first mom causes deep wounds.