Some marriages don't make it through adoption. I won't pretend otherwise.I watched several couples we admired in our early adoption journey end in divorce. I lived through seasons where I believed divorce was never an option—until I realized that knowing separation was a viable choice gave me the freedom to stay.

In the often turbulent world of adoptive and blended families, dealing with defiance or dysfunction can leave you searching for effective strategies, but one popular approach might not be as helpful as it seems. While the "gray rock" method promises to diffuse conflict by staying detached, it could unintentionally create emotional barriers that hinder healing and connection in your home. Discover a gentler alternative that emphasizes calm engagement, loving boundaries, and faith-based tools to foster deeper relationships without shutting down. By exploring these insights, you'll uncover how prioritizing empathy and spiritual guidance can transform challenging interactions into opportunities for growth. This approach invites you to rethink family dynamics in a way that builds security and trust, making it a must-read for any second mom navigating these complexities.

🎧 Listen to episode - Apple🎧 Listen to episode - Spotify“BECAUSE I CANNN…!!”I vividly remember those words coming from my teenage daughter as I questioned her about her motivation for something she had done. Not the words of someone who is open to a reflective dialog or reasoned conversation. And that was that. 

🎧 Listen to episodeMOM ROLE QUESTION:When you think about your mom role I want you to ask yourself — and you can journal about this and pray over it but ask yourself — What do you realistically want your mom role to be like, and what do you think is standing in the way? I’d like you to get a notebook, journal or pad of paper for a journaling exercise today about how you envision your role as mom in the current season or the season that’s right around the corner.  What obstacles are you currently running up against? 

🎧 Listen to episodeYou often deal with conflicts pretty effectively. Right? You deal with conflicts in your marriage, conflicts with your parents, conflicts with your in laws, conflicts at work, at church, or in your friend groups… wherever it is… there are conflicts that we have to deal with and many —even most of them — are very minor.  So we deal with them and we move on, and sometimes we don't even think anything else about them.  As adults we may think that we’re pretty well versed in handling conflicts. Most of the time. 

🎧 Listen to episodeDo you sometimes feel like you're in a fog? Fog = F - O - G  for Fear, Obligation, Guilt. If you feel like you're in a lingering fog in your adoptive family this is for you.

Today’s topic is emotional boundaries.  In particular on this episode I’m focusing on emotional boundaries for moms like me.  In many of our adoptive families children have suffered an enormous degree of trauma and in particular the loss of not only their first mother but other caregivers as well in their formative years. Different Types of BoundariesYou’ve seen & heard quite a bit about setting boundaries by now I suppose.  And perhaps you have a good grip on what it means to set personal boundaries with others, and have even put this into practice in your own life. Even so, to make sure that we’re on the same page today, you need to know that what I mean by the word “boundaries” is that dividing line (boundary) you make to protect something of yours from trespass by another that says you will not continue past that line (boundary) with the other person.  In practice it may sound something like, “I will not continue listening to you yell obscenities at me;” a boundary to protect your finances might sound like, “I will not continue paying you while your work is unfinished;” one to protect property – “I won’t leave without locking the door first”; one to protect physical safety –  “I won’t stay in the house where there are unsecured weapons.”With all these various boundaries to protect different things, there may be an emotional component. But today I want us to pick apart and focus primarily on emotional boundaries. You may set boundaries to protect your time, your physical body, your work/ability to get work done, your belongings.  You can also set boundaries to protect your emotional safety. 

Listen to episodeSeason 4, Episode 3Have you ever been to the eye doctor and found out that your vision prescription has changed? Similarly, there are factors that can limit our relational vision, and it can change over time as well.  It can be helpful to our vision of our relationships to look through different lenses.  Below I share some thoughts on different types of lenses for you to consider - especially if there are any hints or clues that your current lens might be causing you to miss something. 

🎧 Listen to episodeDoes Your Adopted Child Have Lingering Effects of Their Prior Trauma? When a child is adopted, it is often thought that their previous traumatic experiences will automatically disappear. However, this is not always the case. In fact, many adopted children suffer from the effects of their childhood trauma long after they have been removed from the abusive environment.This can be due to a number of factors. For example, some adoptees may feel like they are not worthy of love and support because they were given up by their birth parents. Others may feel like they are constantly being judged by others because of their adoption status. As a result, these adoptees may struggle to form healthy relationships with others and may struggle with self-esteem issues.