🎧 Listen to episodeToday we’re talking about acceptance.Acceptance may seem like a given in your family; of course you accept your children!  You accept all your children — your bio kids, your adopted kids, your step kids —  that should just be a given…right? Let’s look at the example of marriage. 

🎧 Listen to this episodeThe Drive to Develop Personal Autonomy in Adoptive Families is Natural…Personal autonomy in a nutshell is the sense of self-governance and the freedom to make your own choices. And in making our own choices we are able to practice the exercise of self-control.  As Christians we know the Bible teaches us that self-control comes from God’s Holy Spirit and is listed in Galatians as a fruit of the Spirit.  

🎧 Listen to episodeYou often deal with conflicts pretty effectively. Right? You deal with conflicts in your marriage, conflicts with your parents, conflicts with your in laws, conflicts at work, at church, or in your friend groups… wherever it is… there are conflicts that we have to deal with and many —even most of them — are very minor.  So we deal with them and we move on, and sometimes we don't even think anything else about them.  As adults we may think that we’re pretty well versed in handling conflicts. Most of the time. 

🎧 Listen to episodeDo you sometimes feel like you're in a fog? Fog = F - O - G  for Fear, Obligation, Guilt. If you feel like you're in a lingering fog in your adoptive family this is for you.

🎧 Listen to episodeHoliday Peace PlanningWe know that holidays are beautiful, Christmas is wonderful. I love Christmas and maybe you do too. But it can also be stressful and overwhelming. And it can be a lot of different things. It can be very emotional, both good and maybe not so good negative emotions. And so for our adoptive and complex families it can be it can have another layer or 10 added to what's kind of typical and so if you're right now feeling really, really concerned about going through the rest of this holiday season going into Christmas and New Year's Eve and the school break and all the food and all the family or all the get togethers or maybe all the expectations…

Today’s topic is emotional boundaries.  In particular on this episode I’m focusing on emotional boundaries for moms like me.  In many of our adoptive families children have suffered an enormous degree of trauma and in particular the loss of not only their first mother but other caregivers as well in their formative years. Different Types of BoundariesYou’ve seen & heard quite a bit about setting boundaries by now I suppose.  And perhaps you have a good grip on what it means to set personal boundaries with others, and have even put this into practice in your own life. Even so, to make sure that we’re on the same page today, you need to know that what I mean by the word “boundaries” is that dividing line (boundary) you make to protect something of yours from trespass by another that says you will not continue past that line (boundary) with the other person.  In practice it may sound something like, “I will not continue listening to you yell obscenities at me;” a boundary to protect your finances might sound like, “I will not continue paying you while your work is unfinished;” one to protect property – “I won’t leave without locking the door first”; one to protect physical safety –  “I won’t stay in the house where there are unsecured weapons.”With all these various boundaries to protect different things, there may be an emotional component. But today I want us to pick apart and focus primarily on emotional boundaries. You may set boundaries to protect your time, your physical body, your work/ability to get work done, your belongings.  You can also set boundaries to protect your emotional safety. 

How Churches Can Support Women who are Moms in Complex Families such as Adoptive Moms & Step-MomsJust imagine…You're a mom, and you're not the child's first mom. They don’t automatically look to you as their home base, as “mom”.  You feel alone, unsupported, and like you don't quite fit in anywhere, and while your church has been an integral part of your life for years, you’re feeling less and less connected, less and less understood, less and less supported.

🎧 Listen to episodeDo you think of yourself as trustworthy? On a scale of 1-10 where do you think you are? Where on that scale would you say most people would put you back before your child/children came along? In our complex adoptive and blended families trust can often be lacking from our non-biological children, not because we aren’t trustworthy, but due to their own backgrounds. And that can bleed over onto others.

🎧 Listen to episodeYou May Be at Greater Risk for Burnout, Compassion Fatigue or Secondary Trauma!As an adoptive mom you may be at a heightened risk for burnout, compassion fatigue or secondary trauma as primary caregiver for high need children and teens.  In many adoptive families the children have suffered an enormous degree of trauma and in particular the loss of not only their first mother but other caregivers as well in their formative years. This can impact them long-term in various ways, complicating your role as their parent-caregiver. 

Direct Correlation Between  Emotional & Mental Well-being &  Physical HealthAs a Christian life coach for women in complex families, I understand the struggle of constantly expending emotional and mental energy. It's easy to forget that there is a direct correlation between our emotional and mental well-being and physical health.