🎧 Listen to episode - Apple🎧 Listen to episode - SpotifyIn this introductory episode of my new series about what I’m describing as “planting seeds” in our adoptive families, I want to go over some of the obstacles you may face as an adoptive mom: obstacles to planting the good seeds, seeds of love, seeds of learning, and seeds of growth. You’ve probably seen and heard me say over and over again to keep learning, keep growing, and keep loving” and that’s as much an encouragement I want to give to you as it is a reminder and encouragement to myself. I wanted to dedicate this series of episodes to these three topics. So as we get into this series, I decided to first talk about the seven obstacles to planting good seeds in this introductory episode.

🎧 Listen to episode - Apple🎧 Listen to episode - Spotify“BECAUSE I CANNN…!!”I vividly remember those words coming from my teenage daughter as I questioned her about her motivation for something she had done. Not the words of someone who is open to a reflective dialog or reasoned conversation. And that was that. 

🎧 Listen to episode - Apple🎧 Listen to episode - SpotifyEMBRACING FREEDOM FROM UNNECESSARY DRAMA: THE POWER OF SELF-CONTROL FOR ADOPTIVE MOMSToday I’m introducing the second simple but powerful shift of our three-part series focusing on transformative Unilateral Shifts you can make in your role as an adoptive mom. The last couple of episodes were parts one & two of Unilateral Shift #1 about embracing a lens of acceptance over accountability for a new view on patterns of challenging behaviors. If you missed those episodes you might want to go back and listen to them. Today’s focus is Unilateral Shift #2 —FORGING FREEDOM FROM UNNECESSARY DRAMA. 

🎧 Listen to episode - Apple🎧 Listen to episode - Spotify{part 2}Last episode covered part one of this unilateral shift, the first in a series of three shifts that I’m talking about throughout this month of April when I’m recording these episodes, so if you have not yet heard part one, you might wanna go back and listen to that episode and otherwise, let’s dive in where we left off…ACCEPTANCE OVER ACCOUNTABILITYOne of the most transformative shifts a Christian mother can make is moving away from the conventional lens of personally holding our teens accountable for their problem behaviors towards a stance of acceptance. Acceptance doesn’t mean you like or agree with their choices, or approve problem behaviors. 

🎧 Listen to episode - Apple🎧 Listen to episode - SpotifyUNILATERAL SHIFT #1 of 3 — NEW VIEW ON PROBLEM BEHAVIORSDiscover how a shift toward an acceptance lens vs an accountability lens can change the way you view problem behaviors.A NEW BEGINNING: EMBRACING ACCEPTANCE FOR A MORE BALANCED, PEACEFUL HOMEDealing with Defiance… Disrespect…Dangerous & Destructive behaviors?Adoptive moms often find ourselves navigating an intricate maze of emotions and behaviors that can leave us feeling overwhelmed and overstressed…and seeking solutions to manage all of this, often through lenses of accountability and control/counter-control.

🎧 Listen to episodeWHAT ARE YOUR EASTER EXPECTATIONS?Hey ladies, today I wanted to share a bonus podcast episode as we go into the Easter weekend — today is Good Friday, the day that historically we think about when Jesus was crucified and then after tomorrow on the third day, on Sunday, the resurrection as Jesus came to life again as he had conquered death and also paid the price for all the sins of all the world. So this is a very important and key weekend in our Christian faith, and understandably one that we want to share with our families and with our children. But, if you’re like me, not all of your children or your family is following Jesus or following the Christian faith or your Christian values and what’s important to you. So while Easter may be the most important weekend, celebration and most pivotal holiday of the entire year for you or for me, it is not viewed the same for everyone. and it may not be the same for the other members of your own family so there might be some tension. 

🎧 Listen to episodeMOM ROLE QUESTION:When you think about your mom role I want you to ask yourself — and you can journal about this and pray over it but ask yourself — What do you realistically want your mom role to be like, and what do you think is standing in the way? I’d like you to get a notebook, journal or pad of paper for a journaling exercise today about how you envision your role as mom in the current season or the season that’s right around the corner.  What obstacles are you currently running up against? 

🎧 Listen to episodeDo you feel like you’re constantly on the defensive? Having accusations flung at you on what seems like a daily basis? From big accusations from the outside to constant smaller accusations inside the household holding you responsible for, well, everything! This used to be me. So I know how it feels. And it’s important for us to discern what’s truly our responsibility and to own up to it when we’ve missed the mark. IT’S IMPORTANT TO IDENTIFY MISPLACED GUILT & BLAME THAT YOU AS AN ADOPTIVE MOM MAY FACE, BUT NOT ALWAYS TO STRIKE OUT IN DEFENSIVENESS. We have a little booklet from our Sunday school class made up of verses submitted by different members in the class; one member submitted this verse: Isaiah 54:17  “no weapon forged against you will prevail, and he will refute every tongue that accuses you. ‘This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and this is their vindication from me,’ declares the Lord”

 You may know that my tagline is “standing in the gap for second moms“ — so you may wonder, what gap? Where is this gap? Do you know what the gap is in your life? See if this rings a bell:ENTERING THE GAP...The gap I have recognized is when you know something is wrong, and as mom you have identified that there’s a real problem that needs to be addressed and you begin to reach out for information, for resources, for help.  You may not know exactly what to call it. You may not know if there’s something diagnosable…or what the cause is…even where to look for answers. But that doesn’t stop you. You’re told not to worry or given trite responses or over-simplified advice. You don’t know exactly what to do...

AS HUMANS WE OFTEN ENCOUNTER MISPERCEPTIONS AND MISUNDERSTANDINGS. People are naturally skeptical of things that are different. Even prior to adopting you’ve likely faced misunderstanding and misperceptions due to your Christian beliefs or in other contexts. In our adoptive families, there is often lots of fuel for the fires of skepticism, leading to flames of misperceptions and misunderstandings.  These can even grow into a raging wildfire threatening to overtake the entire structure of the family.