When the therapy is not “working”.
The adoption journey is filled with dreams of love, support, and having all the guidance you need. But if you're like many adoptive moms out there, you might have found that traditional therapy doesn't quite hit the mark.
It's not just you—many adoptive parents share this experience and the feelings of disappointment and frustration that come with it. So if you've been feeling a little isolated, take a deep breath; you're not alone in this.
Understanding the Gap in Traditional Therapy
Lately, there's been a buzz in the mental-health community about how traditional therapy often misses the mark for adoptive families. It seems that the typical therapy framework was set up with biological families in mind, leaving adoptive families feeling like something's missing. Some insightful therapists are starting to bring up concerns like these:
- Attachment Trauma Gets Overlooked: Standard therapy might focus on easing symptoms without really digging into the deep attachment wounds that many adoptees face.
- Cookie-Cutter Approaches: Many interventions don't consider the cultural, linguistic, or identity aspects that are so vital to an adoptee's sense of self.
- Parents Need Support, Too: The focus is often on the kids, but parents often need practical support in the meantime…something therapy is not exactly designed to provide.
I recently saw an article about therapists adding coaching to their business model having noticed this gap in their own practices! It's clear that there's growing awareness about the mismatch between traditional therapy and the needs of adoptive families.
Why You Might Be Feeling Unsatisfied with Conventional Therapy
- Complex Attachment Histories: Adopted kids often come with pasts filled with neglect or loss. Their current feelings and behaviors may frequently be an outflow of their early lives and what happened prior to living within the family they’re now in —yours — rather than a reflection of present parenting…an important distinction!
- Identity & Belonging Questions: As they grow, kids face big questions about heritage and belonging. Without cultural competence, therapists might unintentionally skip these crucial topics.
- Parental Grief & Guilt: Many adoptive parents wrestle with feelings of inadequacy and guilt. When therapy focuses only on the child, you might end up feeling unheard and dismissed.
- Values Clash: As an adoptive mom with strongly held Christian beliefs, you might experience a values clash with today's secular therapy if they disregard or mischaracterize the spiritual aspects you know and believe are crucial to your family's healing and growth. As a Christian mom, you may find it disappointing when therapy doesn't align with the foundational biblical principles that guide your parenting and the significance of spiritual safety and trust within your family dynamics.
- Systemic Barriers: Insurance hassles, endless waitlists, and lack of specialists can make finding the right help even harder.
- Lengthy Process Leaving Urgent Needs Unmet: There are current needs that therapy doesn’t specifically address, affecting the functioning of your entire household. Long range progress is fine but some things cannot wait for someday.
Finding a New Path: How Coaching Can Make a Difference
Parents are looking at adoption-focused coaching as a refreshing alternative to therapy. It offers some wonderful benefits, especially for adoptive moms:
- Action-Oriented Plans: Instead of dwelling on past traumas (a practice that has it’s own drawbacks), coaching gives you practical strategies for tackling daily challenges and nurturing a healthy home environment.
- Parent-Centric Support: Coaching validates your role and provides tools for self-care, boundary-setting, and confident decision-making.
- Flexible & Accessible: Coaching may more easily fit into your schedule and is often free from the red tape of traditional mental health services. As a mom coach, my focus is supporting you, not treating or pathologizing either you or your children.
- It's About Collaboration:
In my practice, coaching acknowledges YOU as the expert in your family's unique journey, partnering together to create real-life solutions tailored for you.
As your Post-Adoption MOM Coach, I'm here to help bridge the gap where therapy sometimes falls short.
Let’s talk about what that can look like for you.
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OR Drop me a note at hi@thepostadoptionmomcoach.org
